wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
