Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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