His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
