it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
