I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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