trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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