If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
