My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
