i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
