I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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