I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
