Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
