I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize