found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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