Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
