ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you win again, gameday.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
