from now on my penis is your penis
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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