what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
me + whiskey = a bad person
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
