I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
