are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
