I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i love accidental penises.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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