um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
