It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
