$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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