If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize