i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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