I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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