so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
