Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize