it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
