the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
