He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
