I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize