The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
