found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
