you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
