you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Are my feet made of real feet?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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