I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
