he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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