is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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