I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
