I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish I only lived at night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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