found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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