I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
