oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
