Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Randomize
