My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
