Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
