She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize