i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
