I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
