apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
