I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
