well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
