I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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