I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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