What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
