You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
