currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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