She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
