No stitches, just platelets and will power
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
