Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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