she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
