I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
