on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We are two peas in an std pod
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
