Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
