I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
