i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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