Jerry, you need to find god
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
