People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Shame is for Republicans.
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