She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
