best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
