There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
