Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
