I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What a dumb baby whore.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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