just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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