wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
