By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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