I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
