hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
