Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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