Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
