hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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