You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
