My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize