I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
